Not long ago, I watched a training on forgiveness. I have learned a lot about forgiveness in the past year, the most important takeaway being that forgiveness isn’t only about the other person, it’s about you. It’s about releasing the burden that lays heavy on your heart so you can move on.
I’ve done a lot of forgiving in the past 10 months since I’ve begun to realize the weight it placed on me to hold such grudges. Many of those grudges I didn’t even realize existed. I thought I had moved on. But they still played a big part in my memories, my current mindset, and who I have become. I desperatly needed to release that so I could grow… so that I could be ME.
Through some trainings, tools, a podcast/exercise and journaling, and even some sessions that helped me explore what ages and memories triggered pain, I learned to release. My first ever FB Live on my page was publicly forgiving those who have wronged me and apologizing to anyone I have hurt in the past. And I also thanked them.
That was a huge step for me, there are a few instances that really pop into my head when I would think of what actions of others have played a hurtful role in my life. These instances would often include pain, just at the thoughts alone, raging in like it happened just yesterday.
Some of these things happened years ago. Up to 33 years ago, honestly.
They have accrued. Forgiveness isn’t just about saying “I forgive you.” There is a mental and emotional tie that you need to break and a hole you need to mend.
It means release. Let go. Cut off the emotional tie that the person/event/action/words have on your heart.
It’s not always easy to do, especially dependent on the weight it carries and the significant impact it has made on your life.
Often times, it’s little things. They certainly didn’t seem little at the time, or even now, but in the overall scheme of things…
A big part is finding the lessons and value.
I’ve been able to finally look back and see the good in what has happened “to me.”
Holding grudges for other people’s negative actions/mistakes/etc does us no good. It does not serve us or our purpose in any way, other than to find the good in the circumstance and release, freeing up your heart and mind for good.
When I typed freeing up your heart and mind for good, I typed quickly and rather than good, it said god. Another meaningful typo.
So I made a typing “mistake”, which ended up leading to encouraging, uplifting realization. I believe in signs from the Universe, and I believe that thsi was one. God confirming this for me. This writing, my path, my vision and mindset.
A little God-Wink saying mistakes are ok. Show yourself some grace. This comes right before I was about to get to my main point of this journaling, which is rather mind blowing now.
As I listened to the training I thought about how much I have forgiven lately and actually had a hard time thinking of who and what to focus on forgiving for this “assignment.” Then my coach began to talk about forgiving ourselves.
That was the kicker. Woah.
There’s a person I held a serious grudge against, and that person was myself.
I “should” on myself all the time.
THAT is playing a toll on my heart. And my time.
All the “coulda woulda shouldas” are energy-sucking vampires.
Truthfully, if I had done things differently, I wouldn’t be here at this exact moment typing this. I wouldn’t be on this particular path. The path I now, finally found and LOVE.
Would different actions on my part made things better, worse? There is no way of knowing that and therefore is a waste of time to stress and ponder.
Through life, we all make mistakes, we all do things we aren’t proud of and make decisions that are less than stellar. Even the greatest humans are still human.
Less than perfection. And that is ok.
Forgive yourself. Regret just holds you back even when you are pushing forward.
We are in a constant tug of war with our past. Let go of the rope and watch it fall.
Then, you are free to soar.