I finally have a chance to write for a few minutes since we’ve moved.
it’s a flood of emotions. I could probably write for hours right now if I had the chance. But I’m surrounded by a family that’s working on adjusting to all the changes, and I feel what they feel.
Leaving our surroundings wasn’t easy.
It was scary, sad, and bittersweet.
It was also rather blissful, in a “forward motion, leave the BS behind” kind of way. Propelling ahead with a purpose, on a mission.
Sometimes I’m not ok with it.
Other times, I am more than ok.
I think one of the greatest realizations (of the many) in the past few weeks, is that in any earlier time than now, I wouldn’t be as “ok” with all of this as I am now.
I previously didn’t have the mental and emotional strength for all that I’ve been going through.
But now, now I am tested. I see and understand that it is all a test. And I stand up tall and take on the challenge. I will persevere. I will come out ahead, stronger, smarter, and better than I was before.
There are instances that allow me to see my strength… a strength that was shadowed for so long. I hid in those shadows, I bowed down. I let people tell me how to live my life.
Now, I made a change.
This house, this home, it’s only temporary.
It’s a step of the journey.
It symbolizes so many things….
The beauty of change. New beginnings and opportunities. The breaking away from the chains of the past. The baby steps that lead to where and what I am meant for. The acceptance that some people will never be who I thought and hoped they were. The realization that my calling is more meaningful that my doubts. The understanding that my family and our future is priority. The beauty in seeing that now, no one and nothing will make me doubt myself.
This, all of this now, wasn’t “the plan.”
But plans deviate. Things change, some people change.
Even our purpose and mission can change.
I’ve failed at times. I’m grateful for it. I’ve learned from it. And if people want to talk, call names and speak blame, then so be it. I can shrug without stress and anxiety. That is on them, not me. There is blissful freedom in not caring.
I can stand up and say I’m so proud of where I am now, who I am now, and what I am now.
And where I am going… well, that’s a beautiful story that I am beginning to write.
I am the one writing this story.
This story is mine. This is my life and I will create each chapter as I see fit.
I will be the protagonist; I will make it all a story worth telling in years to come.
I will be the writer, the mother, the wife, the daughter, the friend, the rhymester, the poet, the little sister, the creator, the person who made an impact in other’s lives.
These recent changes, in mindset, environment, goals… are keys that open new doors. The next step is walking through those doors. Forward. Onward. With a smile on my face even through the adversity.
Goodbye to Then. That book has closed. The new book, the new doors, open now…